


Still Standing

by BreatheAndFocus



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 00:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3229493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreatheAndFocus/pseuds/BreatheAndFocus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A poem about a dying man and the grief of his best friend at his bedside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Standing

There’s a stillness to everything I wasn’t prepared for.

As the lights and lamps illuminate outside,  
And the sun begins to blend behind the city line,

I close my eyes and I wait.  
I’m not sure what I wait for.  
The slam of a door,   
The words to say to the struggling soul I stand beside,  
Perhaps I wait for the day to end,  
For this chapter to draw to a close,  
However it may,

As I stay and I pray for the happy ending that I need,   
If I’m to continue without my scars becoming crippling,

But reality isn’t catered to my needs, I’m reminded  
As convulsions and a cry rip through reality,  
And I return to the present,  
Where old smiles and assurances from this familiar face  
Feel so far away as to be nonexistent,

As I take his hand trembling, I meet eyes that scream,  
And I find the strength to try and tell him,  
He’ll be okay,  
If he can even hear me,

Is it getting worse? Is that even possible?  
He’s been this way since morning,  
And maybe it might get better,  
It won’t respond to anything otherwise,  
Will waiting be worth it?

His grip, once so strong, has weakened,  
I feel frailty where it shouldn’t be,  
As his muscles release their tension once more  
I see fear of a further fall.  
We’ve made it to sunset,  
We thought he wouldn’t pull through at all,

But as I listen to labored breath,  
and the beating of a broken heart,  
I wonder what his chances are,

This, I think, is what deathwatch is.  
I don’t know if he’ll make it,  
All I know is I won’t sleep,  
Not for an instant.  
Until answers come,  
Or until skin becomes cold,

I wonder if I’m half as scared as he is,  
Or if his mind has wandered elsewhere,  
In an effort to escape the cage he has become,

Minutes crawl like hours, the moon towers  
Over the sky, tormenting me in my exhaustion  
In sleep that can’t come, even if I were to allow it,  
Shrieks fade to shivers, to whimpers, I wonder,  
As his breath escapes in gasps, if this will be his last,  
I bring his fingertips to my lips and I let myself get lost,

In the sound of his laugh, a distant dream,  
In kisses, in cuddles,  
In the way he’d beam when he was proud, or satisfied  
By a day’s job done,  
How, when work was over, I could find him in the sun,  
Like a basking cat, taking in time,

And it seems I’ve lost myself again,  
I promised not to cry until the end and I,  
I’ve broken that promise all the twelve times I made it tonight.

I see the rise and fall of his chest stop, then start,  
I swear my heart goes with it,  
I wonder,  
If this is it, what will I do then?  
I’ve made a promise to hold my head high,   
But I don’t know if I’m strong enough,  
For now, I only have the strength to hold him,  
and if he falls, I feel as though  
I’ll find the edge and falter with him,

And I can’t, because I told him, I told myself,  
I’d never give in, or give up,  
But we can all give out,  
And as I watch the strongest person I’ve ever known  
Wither into dust, strength becomes smoke,   
The bright burn dissipates,  
The fog lifts to reveal  
We’re all only human, and he, and we, can only go so far,  
before we fall,

If it’s over tonight,  
And we fail,  
I wonder what I’m supposed to do.

Walk, I guess.

I can keep walking a path he couldn’t,  
if I can coral my courage into something that means something,  
I know it’s what he’d want,  
But it’s easier said than done.

What do I want?

I want things to be okay. I want him to make it.   
If not. Then what?

I don’t know yet. I didn’t plan this far ahead,  
I didn’t plan for it to take this turn.  
I pretended that it couldn’t at all, but here we are.

I check to make sure he still has a heartbeat.  
I hold his hand, and I hope he knows,  
Wherever we walk, we walk together.  
If he meets God tonight, I’ll be there to let him go.

But if I have my wish, I hope against hope,  
That my grip will guide him home, here,  
Where he still belongs,  
Because we still have work to do,  
and I don’t want to do it alone,  
Even if I can,  
We’ve been together for so long,  
And I don’t want it to end like this.

But if it does.  
And I pray that it doesn’t, but if it does,  
I’ll be near,  
And when the sun rises, wherever he goes,  
I’ll be here, still standing.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a poem from a very long story I was writing, however, I think it stands on its own. Special thanks to MeikaHidenori for giving me the push to post it!


End file.
